The Hurt and The Healing

I had an entire post planned out talking about toxic people, emotional abuse, and losing people we love (people who are still alive but are no longer a part of our lives). But with that still being fresh in my own life as well as people close to me, I decided not to continue writing what I had and instead start over. So read on if you want, but no hard feelings if you don’t.

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Whether we like it or not, we’ve all been hurt by someone in this life. Be it a family member, best friend, neighbor, significant other, friend of a friend, and so on, we’ve been hurt. And so often we focus on what the person did to us instead of the blessing that came from it.

Now why in the world would I want to focus on the blessing that came from hurt? Because I’d be miserable if I did. And so would you.

I’ve been hurt and affected by all of the things mentioned above, as well as many people close to me. But I’ve come to realize that while it hurts, while I still grieve the life lost from it, I still find joy in what happened.

But before I tell you about the beauty, joy, and God’s grace in what happened, I need to tell you something else. Something that we really don’t admit to ourselves.

Because we live in a fallen world, because it’s still dark and broken, because nothing will be perfect until Jesus comes back and makes all things new, you and I are toxic people too. We can just as easily be someone that someone else has lost. We can be the emotional abuser too.

That right there is one of the hardest things I’ve had to come to terms with. It doesn’t matter how kind or respectful or helpful I may be. I can and have been the person who hurts others just as easily as the ones who hurt me. I hesitate to even write that because of the weight of it. I’m no better than anyone, in fact, I’m probably worse.

But. 

But I know who I am in Christ. And I know that He is still working in me to be more gracious and loving and less willing to give into my sinful nature.

And the same goes for you, sweet friend.

With all that said, I don’t want the people who hurt me back. Now, that sounds super harsh but it’s true. Do I want reconciliation? One day, yes. But I hope and pray that these people have changed by then. I hope and pray that they see their desperate need for Christ and that they grieve the way that they hurt me and others the way that I grieved the loss of them. I don’t want that same person back because of what they did. I want Christ to have turned their life upside down so much that they can’t help but be completely new.

I’m not the same person either. The pain changed me too. 

But y’all, I’m incredibly thankful for what happened. I’m thankful for the way God broke my heart to need Him more. I’m thankful that I’m not the same person I was a year and a half ago.

If the hurt hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t have gotten to know some of the most incredible people I have ever known. I wouldn’t volunteer at church as much, I wouldn’t laugh as much, I wouldn’t be as happy, I wouldn’t be as willing to do new things, I wouldn’t have the friends that I do. If God, in His infinite wisdom and plan, hadn’t allowed me to be hurt the way I was, I would not be as in love with Him as I am now.

As introverted as I can be, I still like people quite a lot. I care a lot about what others think of me and try to do as much as I can to make them happy. I will drop everything to be there for somebody, all my problems aside, and do what I can to help someone hurting. I want to know as much as I can about others and be tiny parts of their lives.

But I can’t be everything to everyone. I can’t be their Savior.

And that’s what we can so easily fall in to. We too often try to put our desperate need for Christ on others, we look to them to be our savior and to satisfy our need for Him. But that’s not why He created us, to look for Himself in others know that He is the only one that can satisfy.

That’s what I fell into. No matter how much I wanted to save them, no matter how much I felt the hurt with and for them, I couldn’t be that. I could love them and pray for them, but ultimately, God had to break us apart to draw us closer to Him. The best thing I ever did was listen to Him, lovingly break it all off and trust Him to guide me in what was next.

And He blessed me with so much more than I thought possible.

Do I miss what I had? Some of it. But if it wasn’t for the pain, I wouldn’t be who I am, who writes this now.

Friends, what I’m trying to say in all of this is that we’re going to get hurt and we’re even going to be the hurt. We’re going to be so broken that everything looks gray. We’re going to be so angry and have our walls up so high that we begin to think that we’ll never find the light of day again.

But I need you to remember that there is a purpose for this pain. For the one who hurt you and for you that hurts. God has this big and perfect plan for your life and mine and ultimately it’s for our good and His glory. He will not let this happen without making something new from it.

I know that you’re hurting. I know that you’re thinking that this is the end. But maybe, just maybe, this is the beginning of something so beautiful that you can’t even fathom it.

Maybe you’re the one that is hurting others. Maybe it’s the only way you know to be because you have yet to fall at the feet of Jesus and declare Him as your Lord and Savior. Sweet friend, He’s there with open arms to welcome you home. Heaven rejoices every single time someone declares that Jesus is Lord! I hope and plead and pray that you’ll see your desperate need for Him. That everything dark will become light when chains are broken and you are set free by Him.

Jesus is so much better than anything in this world. Everything has a purpose because of Him. We don’t deserve Him. I don’t deserve Him! I fall short of Him daily. But He loves me anyway.

And He loves you too.

Fall on your knees to Him today.

Know that nothing will be better without Him.

He loves you.

He died for you.

He’s coming back for you.

Jesus is better.

The hurt won’t last forever.

Jesus is better.